Missions Aside
by tricc
Summary: Based on the American post-credits scene. Awkward stillness filled the atmosphere as the wounded, bruised, victorious Avengers chewed quietly at the ransacked Shawarma place that Tony Stark had dragged them all to eat at. All Avengers are present in this story. Coulson Lives. Sarcastic remarks, Mockery and Insults are thrown in each character. Funny, Humorous, Comical.


Awkward stillness filled the atmosphere as the wounded, bruised, victorious Avengers chewed quietly at the ransacked Shawarma place that Tony Stark had dragged them all to eat at.

They were all so awfully soundless that they hoped one would have the guts to say something, anything to talk about.

"I don't know about any of you guys, but the silence is suffocating me. Please one of you say something or I'm gonna have to pay someone to talk to." Tony let out a frustrated sigh, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"Well, there's nothing interesting going on with me. Most the time we fought I was the big green guy so I haven't a clear memory, there." Bruce Banner shrugged taking another bite of his shawarma.

"Come on, something. What about the two of you, what happened in Budapest? I heard one of you say something about it, a hundred feet away. With the help of my high tech prosthesis, anyway but still." Tony pointed at the two assassins who snapped their heads up.

"N-no, it was just another mission. Nothing else." Natasha said before Clint could open  
his mouth.

"Uh, sure. Whatever." Clint rolled his eyes at her and looked down.

Tony sensed some awkward tension just as he was about to protest, Thor banged his fist making the table jump a little.

"In Asgard, secrets only tend to bring trouble. We are a group of allies right now, no secret must be kept by only one ally. Natasha, Clint speak at once." Thor said, taking a big bite of shawarma.

"Thor, it was only a mission-" Natasha was cut off by Clint who spoke even louder.

"It's kind of a personal matter. And I'm the only one who can remember." Clint winked at Natasha who narrowed her eyes at him.

"Ooh, Legolas are you saying what I think you're saying? I might have underestimated you." Tony smirked only to receive death glares by Clint and Natasha.

"Tony, let them have their own business, it's none of ours."

"Oh, is that so Captain? I'm sorry, I thought you went back home to your iceberg." Tony sang, throwing a toothpick in Steve's direction which unfortunately for Tony hit Natasha instead, sending the toothpick straight to Tony's forehead.

"Ow!" Tony whined, his hand rubbing above his eyebrows.

"Missed. Sadly, I was aiming for your eye." Natasha smiled, chewing her shawarma.

Steve rolled his eyes and took a sip out of his Gatorade.

"Steve, how's the future breaking up to you?" Natasha asked, ignoring Tony's whining.

"I…" Steve sighed, when is this question going to stop ringing him? "Don't really know. This is the hundredth time I was asked but I still haven't the slightest idea. I'm definitely having the hardest time believing. Can't seem to digest anything from all of this yet except for the whole army we just got rid of. But everything's alright I guess. Everything's different from before compared to now, obviously. And then-"

"Stop, snooze fest! Captain, Natasha asked about how you are with the future, she didn't ask you to put any of us to sleep."

Clint and Bruce snorted staring down at their own plates.

Just as Steve was about to say something back to Tony, the fast food place's door opened to show Agent Phil Coulson with a big brown envelope in hand.

"Oh, god, we've just gotten a break, Coulson, wasn't it just five minutes ago, we got rid of a God and whole space army?" Tony complained before anyone could get a say in anything. Of course, he'd be the first to speak up. His other Avengers were getting annoyed but then again not a surprise.

Agent Coulson ignored Tony and placed the envelope on their eating table.

"If there's another mission inside that damn envelope that we'll have to work our asses off, I think Iron Man is too exhausted from his last mission and he'll have to skip this one out." Tony pushed aside the paper.

Coulson sighed, "Calm down, Stark this isn't a mission and it isn't for you."

Tony exhaled in relief, "Then, what's this?" He asked, flipping the envelope over.

"Captain Rogers, We were given this file from the U.S. Army Navy when we found you on the ice. We needed your details and information and they sent us this forty years ago, even before I was an agent. We've examined all of the contents of this file and made scans and copies from all the photos and details we could find inside." Coulson informed, pushing the envelope toward the confused looking Captain.

"I thought there wasn't anything anyone could do to remind me of my time during the 40's? Least that's what Fury said to me. I looked through every file selection cabinet at the Headquarters, there was no word- not one word about me. I don't underst-"

"We firmly apologize but this was classified, it's hidden under protective security. This is the only thing we have of Captain America and we did all we could do to have enough clear identification. The process took years but now that you're identified, we could now return your file. The original one from seventy years ago." Coulson said once more before turning around to leave, "I must go now, Allies, if there's business we'll call you."

"Coulson, How about you don't!" Tony yelled before he was gone.

"Call? I don't think I'd hear you from Asgard, son of Coul." Thor mumbled through his food-filled mouth.

"Cap, open it up!" Bruce said eagerly pointing at the file.

"Uh, not now, I still- uh, I might see something I do not want to see in there." He expected photos of Bucky or Peggy. People he would remember forever, and are now out of his life.

"I'll open it." Tony quickly snatched the file and lifted the flap to take a peek. He took the papers out that were secured in a piece of staple wire.

CLASSIFIED: INACTIVE the front page read. He flipped onto the next page, next page, and the next, and next again. They were all Newspaper articles written about Captain America.

"Impressive, Cap. You owned the Newspaper Company for a ridiculous… three months straight." Tony said, shuffling through the papers.

"Here I thought I'd never hear you say anything good about anyone else but yourself. I've never been more surprised in my life." Steve grinned.

Tony stuck his tongue out at him and threw the files on the table uncaringly when an old colourless photo escaped the inside of one of the newspapers. Tony's brows furrowed as he curiously took the image away from the rest of the papers.

"You have got." Tony's eyes widened as he continued to stare at the picture. "To be kidding me."

Bruce snatched the photo from him to see what he was so surprised about, "Oh my God." Bruce let the photo slip away from his grasp and fall on the middle of their table for everyone else to see.

Steve Rogers stared at his fellow Avengers with their mouths in the shape of a letter O. He needed some heads-up thinking and he needed it fast.

"Soldiers, before you go and make fun of my youthful self, you should know-"

Thor roared with laughter then Tony, Bruce then Clint, and next thing they knew even Natasha was cracking up. Steve pinched the crook of his nose and shook his head, "Son of a God." He murmured under his breath.

"Captain America? I swear Asgard is having a laugh down at you from where I'm from. You're so tiny- and petty!"

"Thor, everybody, calm-" Steve struggled to get a sentence out of him without getting interrupted but then again maybe not.

"Now we know your hidden interior, Cap. You got a bony ass underneath it all? Who knew?" Tony snorted.

"Tony, that was harsh. His ass wasn't that bony. Skeletal is more like it." Bruce muffled, rubbing elbows with Tony.

"No, shit Sherlock, Bruce." Clint said grinning, high five-ing Bruce.

Steve slumped at the back of his chair covering his face with his hands and letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Steve, may I return and rephrase that question you asked me a couple days ago? Big man in a suit of biceps, take that off, what are you?" Tony turned on a forcefully serious tone. But everybody was too busy laughing they couldn't even play along seriously with Tony.

"Hey, in my defence, no matter how I looked then I still never backed out from a fight even if it meant dying." Steve finally said something without getting bothered by another laugh. But he spoke too soon. The Avengers laughed even harder in response to his hearty speech. Only this time, Steve was starting to find his old self quite funny. He's not blind, he couldn't deny it. Look at his self.

"For your information, I was the first ever thin man to ever get into the army." Steve folded his arms, looking real proud of whatever he just said.

"You're actually gloating about this now? That sounded very wrong, Stevie." Tony had to bite his lip to refrain from laughing. They all just ate big servings of shawarmas and their stomachs are rumbling in agony from hard laughter.

"Captain, this photo needs to be burned to avoid further intrigue, embarrassment and humiliation. It's the only way." Natasha offered with concern. If she was that person in the photo, she'd burn it, and also burn all those who has seen it. But that's Natasha Romanoff, we're talking about.

"Thank you, Natasha. But I'm fine, I mean if I can handle endless irritation and criticism from the Great Tony Stark, then that would mean I could handle any kind of humiliation from the world. So, uh- this photo remains as it is." Steve smiled at the photo and put it back to the envelope safely.

"Please. You're just saying that because you're Captain six pack now, and you finished a whole war on your own, and bla and bla and crap and blah." Tony mocked, gulping his diet coke.

"No need to be jealous, Tony, his six pack is artificial anyway." Natasha giggled before mouthing "Just kidding." to Steve.

"If you are all done using me as your source of entertainment, can we please talk about something else?"

"If you stop being serious, and loosen up a little since I've done my part so well in getting rid of a nuclear bomb up to space and nearly running out of breath and almost dying… we very well can." Tony shrugged.

"And you are really brave, Mr. Stark. Maybe we can talk about uh- well someone else who's not me? Thor, perhaps?" Steve filled hoping that Thor would have a more interesting storyline.

"Hm?" Thor mumbled in between of his bites.

"Okay then, we'll see. Thor?" Bruce asked.

"Well, I did have my moments during my first days landing in the realm of New Mexico. I might have gotten run over by moving mechanical carriage rides about ten times before I learned to avoid them." Thor grinned at the memory.

"But weren't you just a man out there? Didn't you get hurt? Or maybe die, at the very least?"

"I am here, aren't I?" Thor smiled his maniacal smile.

"I should probably recommend you for W.W.E. You would be a fit." Tony nodded up at him.

"You mean the barbaric and brutal show I saw on Jane's electrical vision box where they strive to kill each other to get nothing but a gold belt?"

"Actually its fake gold but- You've heard of it, great! This is starting to sound realistic. I could help you out, I have someone on my phonebook and they'd check you out, and you could apply. You look like the type of guy who would smash heads and kick brains out without mercy anyway, so I bet you'd be a legend in that show, without a doubt."

"I would never act in such a disrespectful manner. I came back to earth because Loki will stop at nothing to have as many lives as he could ever consume because of his resentment towards me. Hurting mortals will not gain a human anything. I said that to my brother, who sadly did not pay much courtesy to care, not that I'm flabbergasted."

"Fine, Thor whatever gets you to eat four shawarmas while I'm still on my first is not any of my many concerns."

"What else are you too concerned about aside from yourself, anyway?" Clint was actually curious about this one since Tony brought it up.

"There are a lot, Legolas. You know, I'm concerned about Steve's malnourishment case seventy years ago, concerned about Thor's unwillingness to let go of his hammer for more than five seconds, concerned about Natasha's death glares that could possibly kill me any day now, concerned about Bruce who might give me the green eye and throw me off the walls like he did Loki, and I'm concerned about you, Barton. Your paltry height is such a misfortune." Tony grinned at each of them. He always won over any argument or any kind of sarcasm thrown at him. It's good to be Tony Stark.

The Avengers rolled their eyes in unison. They knew the lewd comeback from none other than Iron Man was coming. They decided to take a mental note that they should never ask Tony a decent question unless absolutely necessary.

* * *

The day went dark and the heroes exchanged yawns and stretches and more stretches and yawns.

Stark Tower was smashed by Hulk and Loki, Bruce put away the idea of going back to India, After Thor locked Loki in the Asgard cell he instantly descended towards the earth, Steve practically lives in the S.H.I.E.L.D. training room, and the two assassins, Clint and Natasha have S.H.I.E.L.D. as their home anyway.

At the end of the day, they all came home to S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters with different room demands. Tony has his room look like a five star hotel room fixed with Jarvis to serve him, Bruce has his room with his own laboratory to work with, Thor has his 'chamber' with limitless Pop Tarts and varieties of sodas, Steve suggested they put a bed in the training room, and Clint and Natasha took care of their own room with only one large bed to share and sleep on.

The Avengers have assembled once again, to have their slumber together in one building. If only Thor's snoring could quiet down a bit.

* * *

Based on the American post-credits scene. Idea given by my Grandmother. Story Patched by my Aunt.

Review for free cookies, Tricia.


End file.
